Dexter

Now, we're only two discs deep into the first season, so bear with me here, but this is the best new TV show I've seen since Lost. Dexter is about a blood specialist with the Miami police. He tracks killers by day, and is, oh yeah, a mass murderer by night. Dexter stars Michael C. Hall of Six Feet Under fame. It's incredible how different the two characters he's played are, and how he manages to pull of both in such a believable way.

Dexter doesn't kill just to kill (although he really likes it). His adoptive father, a police officer, recognized his sociopathic tendencies as a child, and pushed him to punish wicked people, instead of murdering innocent victims. He teaches him how to avoid getting caught, which is how Dexter racks up so many kills. His little sister is also a cop, struggling to make her mark as a homicide detective. Dexter also has a personal life, dating a woman his sister set him up with. But he has absolutely no interest in her, other than a desire to appear normal. But the ongoing plot, at least so far, is Dexter's pursuit of the "Ice Truck Killer," a serial killer who has also figured out Dexter's secret.

The real thrill of this show is the "whodunit" nature of each episode, following Dexter as he tries to decipher the Ice Truck Killer's latest clues, or avoid capture. But the show has a genuine soft side as well. It's interesting to watch Dexter learn how to simulate normal human emotion. We see flashbacks of his dad teaching him how to act normal, and watch as he tries to figure out how to appear responsive to his girlfriend's problems. The show pulls off the impossible: making a serial killer sympathetic. Hell, you downright root for him. If we could get our goddamn Netflix queue straight, we would have probably finished the season already, but que sera sera.

I give Dexter one severed Barbie. You'll get the reference if you watch the show.

For Your Consideration

Let me begin this blog by saying I'm a huge fan of Christopher Guest and his crew of mockumentarians. "Spinal Tap," "Waiting For Guffman," "Best in Show," and "A Mighty Wind" all had their strong and weak points, but all were entertaining in their own way. I eagerly anticipated their latest film, "For Your Consideration." I was profoundly disappointed. I saw it at the theater when it came out, but just watched it again last night on cable, and it reminded me how much I hated it.

Guest and his regulars always focus on some form of showbiz, but this time took it to Hollywood. No more small town musicals or musicians in the twilight of their careers. "For Your Consideration" is about the shooting of a small movie about a Jewish family, called "Home For Purum." The cast is full of no-names and has-beens, but a buzz about possible Oscar nominations sets the cast into a flurry. The cast starts getting freaked out about the recognition, and the media starts to pay attention to the film. It culminates when the Oscar nominations come out, and we see what happens to those who were slighted.

There are a few good gags here, but none of them by the main characters (with exception of one great, but sad visual gag late in the movie). That's a bad sign. I think the worst part of this movie, though, is the hopelessness it inspires. The previous Guest movies all had an affection for their luckless, sometimes pathetic characters. This movie has seemingly nothing but spite. In his previous films, the characters disappointment is always tempered with either their positive attitudes, or development that hints something positive is soon to come. This movie has none of that, ending with all the main characters sinking into professional and personal hell. The final scene typefies this.

Catherine O'Hara's character has spent the entire movie desperate for validation, eventually getting radical plastic surgery in the hopes of a career boost. But when it doesn't happen for her, she ends up teaching young actors. She gives an incoherent speech about how happy she is, clearly miserable... saying how the only way she can be comfortable in her own skin is to expunge everything within. It's depressing. I feel like Christopher Guest was saying to the shallow Hollywod types "Fuck you, you're pathetic." While they may deserve it, that sentiment doesn't necessarily translate into a funny, heartfelt movie.

I give "For Your Consideration" 0 Oscar nominations.

Best Baguette

This awesome little shop on SE 82nd and Powell deserves your money. When the French colonized Vietnam, they introduced baguettes, and the culinary world is richer for it. Best Baguette takes a fastfood approach to Vietnamese baguettes, and I gotta say, they're delicious. They bake their own foot-long baguettes every hour, and stuff them with a wide variety of meats and veggies. The menu is huge, with Vietnamese and French fixin's. I like the grilled beef sandwich, but the the ham and cheese is good too (despite the odd decision to use American style cheese). The bread is super chewey, with a crackly crisp outside. The prices are fantastic too. The Vietnamese versions are all $3 bucks or so, several around $2.50. The ones Americans are more likely to order are about a buck more. I wonder if that's because they're most likely to be ordered by clueless white people, or because the ingredients are more expensive. Anyway, I digress. Since the store is also a fully functional bakery, they also offer a wide variety of pastries, both French and Asian.

I give Best Baguette in Southeast Portland four super-phallic baguette loaves (on a scale of five).

Bizarre Foods

My wife and I have an ongoing battle over the television. I have a lot of common sense, while she somehow has come to believe that watching sports all the time is not that much fun. While it's obvious she's wrong, I am trying to find some common ground on shows we can both enjoy. Our current favorite: "Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern" on the Travel Channel.

Andrew Zimmern is a chef, writer, and traveler. He's also a middle-aged, bald, slightly pudgy dude. The show is as simple as this: Zimmern travels around the world, and eats the grossest food he can find. We've seen him in the U.S., South America, and all over Asia. Bugs, scorpions,lamb faces, all manner of organ meats, rotten meat, semi-hatched hardboiled eggs, and still beating snake hearts are just some of the crazy shit he's wolfed down. This show is fascinating on several levels. First and most obvious is the grossout factor. Watching him eat something no one should ever put in their mouth has a certain Fear Factor charm, and he's able to enthusiastically describe it in a way that you know what it tastes like. Beyond that, he really does a good job of showing the traditions behind the gross food, to show us why people actually eat those things. It's interesting to learn about other cultures and their history, and how food is a real reflection of that.

Zimmern has a geniunely genial way about him, and you feel like he's doing this so you don't have to. He's gracious to his hosts, even when the food is not to his liking. That's kind of rare though. He really likes some bizarro stuff. Overall, this is a really engaging show. I don't know the regular time it's on, so you'll have to check your local listings. Clips of the show are also available on demand through your cable box, so that's a nice, easy way to get a sense of the show at your convenience.

Overall, I give this show six deep-fried scorpion tails.

Monster House and Bizarre Cocktails

The wife mentioned recently that she thought this movie looked cute. So I mistakenly told her that I found it on demand on our digital cable last night, and she made me watch it. But the good news is... I actually liked it! I was a little tipsy from my homemade cocktails (which I'll tell you about in a couple paragraphs), but I don't think it skewed my judgment too much.

The movie centers on three kids, who realize that the house across the street is haunted after it tries to eat them. They believe it's haunted by the spirit of the homeowner, a mean old guy who was carted off by an ambulance after chastising one of them. Nobody believes them, so they set off on a mission to put out the fire coming from the chimney, and kill the ghost. At the beginning of the movie, there's a warning by the cable company about adult themes. We sort of looked at each other quizzically when we saw it, because this is an animated kids' movie. We were surprised to see that there actually are some adult themes: death, teenage drinking, and puberty, among others. These are all light references, but they're still there. Unlike many kids movies, the humor was actually funny to grownups. It was a suspenseful little movie, with twists that actually came as somewhat of a surprise. I can honestly recommend this movie to adults and kids. I give it six "Frozen Walt Disney Heads" on a scale of eight.

Now to my weirdo homemade cocktails. We bought Margarita mix at the store, to make with our taco dinner. But we only had enough tequila and ice for one round. Neither of us wanted to go to the store, so we had to get creative for our next drinks. We had a couple of mixers, but without ice, the drinks would get warm quick. So I took some popsicles we had sitting in the fridge, broke them up into the blender, and added 4 shots of vodka. I blended until they were smooth, then poured them into glasses. I topped them off with Diet Cherry 7up. I was pleasantly surprised when the drinks didn't suck. I suggest you try them.

Crunchy Healthy Stuffed Chicken

This is a basic recipe I've used for a while, but I threw in some new twists, and I have to tell you: it's good. I like that it's crunchy like it was deep fried, but it's pan fried, and a whole lot healthier. I'm terrible at recipes, so bear with me. I wrote this for one serving, but it can be expanded easily. Sorry I don't have a picture. It's not the prettiest dish anyway, although it's quite tasty.

Ingredients:
1 chicken breast
a handful of fresh sliced mushrooms
1 wedge Laughing Cow Light Cheese
1 beaten egg (or egg beater, in a bowl.
a handful of dried, uncooked cous cous, spread on a plate.
olive oil
salt to taste

1. Sautee mushrooms over medium heat. Remove mushrooms, and turn heat down a couple notches.
2. Butterfly chicken breast to create a nice pocket for stuffing.
3. Spread Laughing Cow cheese inside chicken, and then add the sauteed mushrooms.
4. Close chicken breast, making sure no cheese or mushrooms are poking out. You may want to use a toothpick to keep it together.
5. Dip chicken in egg, then thoroughly coat both sides with dried cous cous.
6. Pan fry chicken on both sides, until done all the way through. This will take some time, because the heat is relatively low. But low heat allows chicken to get done, without blackening too much of the cous cous.

The finished product will be golden brown on the outside, with a few burned cous cous grains. A good way to know the chicken is done is to check the cheese. Laughing Cow is a lot like cream cheese, and when it's super melty inside, the meat is likely done, too. I really like this recipe, because it's pretty healthy, and can be adapted as necessary. It makes for a nice substitution for fried chicken breasts in Chicken Parmesan, too. Just butterfly the chicken, spread it out, and dip it in egg and cous cous.

I give this chicken two breasts up. Keep your mind out of the gutter you perverts. Nipples.

Touch Football

Some friends and I have played touch football the last two Saturdays. I hadn't played in probably 5 years at least, and I forgot how much fun it can be. I went out and bought a football and some cones. How sad is it that in a group of dudes, all excited to play football, nobody owned a football? Anyway, we had seven guys the first week, with Chuck playing all-time offense. This week we had six, and the game was more fun. I'm not going to lie to you: I suck at touch football. I can throw the ball and catch it, but I'm not terribly fast and couldn't cover a tree stump on defense. My teams have gone 0-2, despite different players each time. The common component was me, so let's assume the fault lies there. We walked from our house to the local high school and played on their practice field. The first week, we actually had some guys ask if they could join in. We said no because we were just about done playing.

I play full-court basketball at least once a week, and although I'm a bit overweight, I'm in reasonable shape. But I gotta tell you, football is tough. I really felt sore afterwards, in places I'm not used to. I also have a sore knee, which is troubling. I turn 30 next year, and haven't really had too many nagging old man injuries. I realize now that it's all downhill from here. Sigh.

Football: 35, Turning Old: 0

ps. This has nothing to do with this blog, but is just one friend warning another friend. When you eat fruit, make sure you wash it first. Otherwise, you may have to leave work early to go home and use the bathroom.

Novembeard

Several of my male co-workers and I are participating in Novembeard, which as you can guess, is a beard growing contest. I think it may be the greatest thing ever, at least since my co-worker and friend Orion had a mustache growing contest. I lost, but it's not fair. My mustache grows in blonde, while his is a dark brown. I don't think I'm going to win, and I sure am going to miss getting some lovin' from my wife while I'm competing, but I think it's worth it. Here are some pictures of good beards:

The Sophisticate



The Referee



Thick Underbrush



The Future of Network News



The Confirmed Bachelor's Best Friend



Let's hope I win. I give this contest: six cans of beard wax.

All Hallow's Eve (aka Halloween)

Today is one of my favorite holidays. Why? Why the fuck not. I get to dress up (this year like a hillbilly. I'll post photos maybe later.), go out drinking in costume, and eat delicious candy. What's not to like? We carved pumpkins on Friday with a bunch of our friends at our house. At one point, we had about 15-20 lit pumpkins on our front porch. Tonight we hope to have trick-or-treaters, which we didn't get last year. But our fingers are crossed. I don't have anything else to say. Sorry.

I Don't Like to Work

I've had a tough time focusing at work lately. I'm not sure why. I just had my yearly review (even though I've worked there more than two years), and it was 95% positive. But I've really struggled this week staying on top of things. My job has daily deadlines, and I've nearly missed them two days in a row. I'm also messing up simple details that I normally wouldn't. I wonder if it's complacency, the bad sleep I've been getting, or something else. I was promoted right before the wedding, and switched from overnights to a daytime schedule. I've been doing that 2 months now. I'm also kicking my reliance on Ambien, which means some nights I wake up a lot. I wonder what effect these things are having on me, or if I'll just never like working. I find my job occasionally irritating, but it's challenging and changes everyday. Midge thinks I might just need to find a job that I always like (easier said than done, of course), but I don't know if a job exists that I'll ever roll out of bed excited to go to.

I give working a job: two pink slips and an official reprimand.

The 2007-2008 Portland Trailblazers

Even without Greg Oden, I'm excited about this team. The wife, my sister, and my friend Sophie and I went to the Blazers' fan fest last night at the Rose Garden. Sophie got tickets for free through her work! I was very excited until I realized that everyone got free tickets. But it was fun. We got there late, because I had to work, but we caught the scrimmage, which is the highlight anyway. It was fun to see the guys play in a free-flowing pick-up style game. It let us see more of their personalities, and daydream of playing alongside them. There was also a hilarious moment before the scrimmage with the team's rookies. Here are some random thoughts on this year's team.

- I really like Jarrett Jack. I don't understand why so many people poo-poo him. The guy is careful with the ball, has an above average mid-range game, and is the kind of guy who can contribute without jacking up a lot of shots.
- Taurean Green has a really ugly jumpshot. I hear Nate McMillan is considering playing him a lot this year, but I can't believe that. He has a gym-rat jumper.
- Raef LaFrentz is a talented guy. You can see why he was projected to be a big-time player out of Kansas. He's kind of a tweener, game-wise. He just needs playing time and a steady stream of mid-range jumpers.
- Brent Petway (who the Blazers apparently cut today) has incredible hops. Too bad that's it.
- Brandon Roy never looks flustered, or even like he's trying that hard. But he's still the best guy on the court. It seems like the game comes to him easily.
- Sergio Rodriguez still excites me. I hope he doesn't get buried on the bench. It seems like he just needs time.

I hope to get to several games this year. I need to figure out when we can go, and how many tickets we can afford. It's going to be a fun season!

I rate this team a B-, with potential for much more.

My Latest Obsession

My friend Mike and I have discovered a great new way to waste time at work. We've been developing elaborate ways to flip one another off. We began talks today to develop a website, devoted to the finger. We realize we'll have to illustrate our techniques, using either photos or drawings. The main problems are that neither of us are web-savvy enough to design any website from scratch, and the time it would take to do it right. Anyway, we've spent the last week flipping each other off, in increasingly complex ways.

I'll give you an example. Make a fist with both hands. Extend the middle finger of each. Turn your hands over, so that your fingers point to the ground. Begin rhythmically jabbing your fingers down an inch or two, one at a time. You've just done the "Old Man Typing" flipoff. Congrats!

Here's another. Raise one arm to the sky. Make a flipoff with your other hand. Rub your armpit with that hand, like you would a stick of deodorant. Congratulations! You've just done the "Speed Stick."

Anyway, I'd estimate that we have a couple dozen techniques so far. Do you all have any you'd like to share? How about suggestions for starting a website?

Eastern Promises

Eastern Promises is the latest entry from David Cronenberg. It's the first movie I've ever seen about the Russian mob, and I think it belongs on any list rating the best gangster movies of all time*. It centers around a baby, whose teenage mother died in childbirth. A midwife, played ably by Naomi Watts, finds the mother's diary. It's written in Russian, and inside has the business card of a Russian restaurant. Watts takes the card and diary to the restaurant, and encounters (unbeknownst to her)the head of a Russian crime family. He seems like a nice old man, but she soon sees that he's not. We also meet the family's chauffeur, in a fucking great performance by Viggo Mortenson. What comes next is the slow ascent of Mortenson in the crime family, what the teenage girl's diary says, and Watts doing her damnedest to stand up for the baby. I don't want to give too much away, since I felt like some of the best parts of this movie blindsided me, in a good way. I really recommend this movie, with two caveats. One: there are some gory scenes, so be prepared to be grossed out. Two: Viggo Mortenson, wrestling around naked, covered in blood. (You can see his junk).

I give this movie 8 bowls of borscht.

*This list includes The Godfather (parts 1 and 2), Goodfellas, Miller's Crossing, Casino, Donnie Brasco, A Bronx Tale, and countless others. What do you like?

Mad Men

The wife and I have fallen in love with this show on AMC. Most people with basic cable have this network, and should definitely check it out. The show is set in a Manhattan ad agency in 1960. It follows both the trends in advertising and society, as well as the lives of the people who work there. The executive producer is Matthew Wiener, who worked on the Sopranos. You can really feel the similarities. The main character is Don Draper, played perfectly by Jon Hamm. He's the Creative Director at the agency, married with kids, with a mysterious past. We also get glimpses of other characters and their relationships, like Peggy the secretary and Pete, the young ad exec. I feel like the casting of these two characters is the only weakness of the show. Neither feels natural.

The genius of this show, besides the deepening intrigue surrounding all of the characters, is the attention to detail. Characters smoke and drink constantly. The social politics of the 60's are put out front. It doesn't feel like a revisionist look at the era (although I wasn't alive at the time, so who knows?).

Although I watch more TV than I should, I rarely watch network shows. I'm mostly a sports guy. I like The Office, The Simpsons, Lost, Flight of the Conchords, and this show. You should watch it, too.

Mad Men on AMC (Thursday nights): Rated 9 cigarettes out of 10.

Toji Korean Grill

We went to Toji Korean Grill on SE Hawthorne last night. We decided to go out, and were walking toward Hawthorne when it occured to us to go there. It was a good idea.

Toji is a Korean grill, meaning they fire up a little grill in the middle of your table, and you order raw, marinated meat to char up yourself. We got a value meal of sorts. There were 3 of them, sort of buried under more expensive options. Ours was the medium size. It came with tofu/seafood soup, grilled tofu patties, and 6 pork pot stickers for appetizers. The soup was good, albeit somewhat fishy if you're not into that. The grilled tofu was, unsurprisingly, a little bland. But if you like tofu, you'll like this. It came with three dipping sauces: sesame oil, a sweet teriyaki, and a plum sauce. I liked it just fine. The pot stickers were steamed, not fried. I thought they were pleasantly gingery, but not overpowering.

The meal came with a bevy of pickled Korean delights. I'll try to list all of them... Kim Chi, which you will never convince me is good. Also: a tasty but spicy spinach/red pepper mix, pickled sprouts, fish stick thingies, garlic and jalapenos, green beans, soft tofu, and bean paste. I think there were a few others too. These small dishes really complement the main dish.

Speaking of which, we really enjoyed our marinated, thin sliced ribeye. Our plate was full of meat, with two slabs of onion and a couple mushroom caps to grill alongside them. We let everything barbeque to varying degrees of done... wrapped the meat up with rice inside big leaves of lettuce, and added some of those other foods, to make tasty little wraps. As I said, we ordered the medium size, but could have easily gotten by on the small. We also got some nice Japanese beer, Kirin Ichiban, to drink.

Overall, I really like the experience at Toji. It's fun to grill up your own meat, and the splendor of all the dishes of food makes dinner seem like a big deal. The main drawback for me is that I'm only so-so on some of the flavors prevalent in Korean food. I don't care for Kim Chi, no matter how many times I try it. This restaurant is a once every six months kind of place.

Nerding it Up

The wife and I have had about the dorkiest week in human history. We watched the first two "Lord of the Rings" movies this week (extended editions of course), and plan on watching the third one soon, possibly tonight. But that's not the worst part.

Last night, and on Sunday, we stayed up way too late playing the game of Risk. If you're unfamiliar, Risk is a classic board game in which the sole purpose is to take over the world. You get armies and roll dice to have battles with other players. We got it as a gift at our wedding. It's really fun. However, we spent hours playing this dorky game. Last night, we didn't even finish. My little sister played, too, and we put the game on hold after we knocked her out. I also find it really amusing that children all over the country are playing this game, learning how to be little Hitlers. Or "Lit'lers" as I call them.

I rate the game Risk: Ten armies, tradeable for a ten army piece (cool inside Risk reference).

Self Check-Out

My local grocery store, Fred Meyer, has those fancy self check-out units. There are approximately 16 of these, manned by either one or two employees, depending how busy it is. I was there last night with my friend Mike, and I told him how much I enjoyed using the self-serve units. Here's part of the reason why: It makes me glad I finished college. I realize that makes me an elitist bastard, but I'm really glad I am able to make a living doing something I think is worthwhile, not doing something soul-crushing like working as a grocery store checker. I had a terrible job with the phone company inbetween my stints in college, and that really forced me to realize that most non-professional jobs are craptastic. I realize that's a generalization, but it's one I think is true.

One other note on self-serve units:
The only reason stores install these things is to save money. They can put one checker in charge of a dozen checkstands, instead of a 1:1 ratio. However, they don't lower the cost of groceries accordingly. So I've hatched an ingenious plan to get revenge. When you buy produce on one of these, you have to enter the numeric code corresponding to that kind of fruit or vegetable, then the computer weighs it and charges you. I say fuck that. No matter what I'm buying (the more expensive the better), I enter the code for yellow onions. I think that's about the cheapest veggie you can get. Last night I got 3 avocados (suggested price: $1 each) for a grand total of .90 cents. I realize it's only a few pennies at a time, but in that way I get my discount while Fred Meyer gets theirs. The checker is always too busy manning all those checkstands to notice what I'm doing. It's a perfect plan.

Self-Serve Checkstands: I give them one suffocating plastic grocery bag.
My Produce Plan: I give that 5 reusable canvas grocery bags, the kind you can use over and over again.

The Godfather

The wife and I have been insisting that we sit down and watch our favorite trilogies. For her, it's the extended versions of the Lord of the Rings. For me, it's the Godfather. This weekend, we began the long, arduous process of watching both. We watched the Fellowship of the Ring on Friday, and the first Godfather on Saturday. I'll leave the Lord of the Rings review for her. I'll focus on The Godfather.

I've seen this movie probably 15 times or so, and every time I'm struck by how great it is. I realize I'm not treading any new ground here as a critic, but I'll be damned if it isn't true. One of the things that constantly gets me about this movie is the fact that 90% of the movie is a couple of guys sitting and talking. But at no point do I ever wish something actioney would happen. The dialogue always feels true, and I'm always interested in what they're saying.

I can't believe the producers wanted to fire Al Pacino. It's unbelievable that anyone could see him in the first scene, the wedding, and not think he was Michael Corleone. His description of who Luca Brazzi is to Kay is fucking brilliant. You can see him straddling the line between resignation as to who is his family, and judgment of it. Then the quick turn to playful, asking Kay how she likes her lasagna. And by the end, how can you doubt that he IS Michael Corleone. When he volunteers to kill McCluskey and Solazzo, geez... the fucking icewater in his veins.

John Cazale was born to play Fredo. A fantastic performance, in the second biggest sadsack role of all time. That one guy in Death of a Salesman (Biff? Willy?) is number one. This blog is really no good. Let's just say I like the movie, although I can never decide which Godfather I like the best, 1 or 2. I'll leave the third one out of the argument.

A few other rambling notes:
- I hate Diane Keaton with a vengeance, but she's pretty good in this movie.
- I'm pretty sure Robert Duvall and Marlon Brando were about the same age when they shot this.
- I heard Brando really scared the shit out of that kid when they filmed his death scene.
- I still use the marinara recipe that Clemenza gives: Fried Garlic in olive oil, stewed tomatoes, tomato paste, a little wine, your meat, and a little sugar.
- Leave the gun, take the canolis.

Another Culinary Adventure: Scallop Pasta

This one turned out really well. I still plan on reviewing those things I promised earlier, but I'm in the mood to do this one instead. Last night we continued our culinary adventuring with a recipe that the wife found, and we improved together. I'm not used to writing recipes, so follow this one as best you can.
1. Cook your favorite pasta.

2. In one sautee pan, fry up several cloves of garlic. Cook them until they're brown, then remove the cloves to mash over bread. Save the oil in the pan, now that it's all garlicky.

3. In another, larger sautee pan, sear your bay scallops over medium heat with olive oil. We used about 3/4 of a pound for the two of us, which was a few too many. Get them nice and toasty on both sides.

4. In the same oil you just sauteed your garlic, fry up your veggies. We used finely chopped spinach, mushrooms, and chopped fresh basil. Cook them to taste. Remember with spinach that it will always wilt, so put in at least twice as much as you think you might want.

5. When your veggies are close to done, dump in a healthy helping of fresh chopped tomatoes.

6. When your veggies, scallops, and noodles are all done, dump them into the same pan you're cooking the scallops. Toss them together, adding salt, parmesan cheese, and more olive oil to taste.

7. Try to remove the reek of garlic and fish from your house. Good luck.

8. Evacuate your bowels.

9. Repeat.

I give this recipe six green, red, and white flags. I dare you to try it!

Mango Pork

Taking a detour from my planned route... I'm rating a recipe we tried last night. Not so much a recipe, but a winged culinary concoction. The wife went grocery shopping, and found banana leaves at the store. Naturally she bought a pack. Last night we made mango pork with them. For the uninitiated, banana leaves are traditionally used in Thai, Filipino, and other Asian cooking to keep meat moist. It's sort of like wrapping meat in tin foil. We had never used them before, but it's pretty easy.

In this recipe, we used pork chops (because our local grocery store only carries family packs of chicken, which is like 2 dozen breasts). We chopped up Walla Walla sweet onions, red peppers, and mangoes, then mixed those chunks with rum and mango juice. We spooned out a healthy heaping of that mixture one on banana leaf, put the pork chop on top, then put larger chunks of the veggies and fruit on top of that. Then, we wrapped one banana leaf around the food, then used another leaf going the other way. We used wooden skewers to pin the corners of the leaves closed, then baked the meat at 350 degrees. After about 40 minutes, I checked one of the packages. It was still undercooked. So we turned the heat up to 400, and left them in for another 15 minutes or so. The one I unwrapped was good, but the one whose seal was unbroken was much more moist.

I'd really recommend trying to make something with banana leaves. They give a flavor to the food you won't get with foil. Next time we'll maybe try to make a light curry or something with chicken or fish. Anybody else tried cooking with leaves?

The Office, Season 3

On the first week of our honeymoon, the wife and I took some redundant wedding gifts back to Target, to get the stuff we didn't get but still need. We also had a couple of gift cards. So after we picked out our new plates and stuff, we decided to get the third season of The Office on dvd. We missed a couple of episodes when it originally aired, and we had a week to kill before the cruise.

I gotta tell you, this season is fucking great. It seems like when series add new characters, it's either an interesting new wrinkle that takes the show to the next level... or it's the kiss of death. In this case, the new characters add wonderful new dimensions. The addition of Andy is a miracle. He actually makes Michael seem sympathetic. Ed Helms is just the latest talented "Daily Show" expatriate to make his mark. It's also interesting that the show managed to give Dwight another nemesis, who is still completely different than Jim. Speaking of Jim... I'm kind of torn on his new girlfriend. Karen, while necessary to create more tension with Pam (and put off their inevitable relationship), seems less like a character than a plot device. I also feel like at times she's a little bit too close to Pam as a character. They both have wry senses of humor and they're both always in on the joke. As the episodes go on, you can see how Karen is a bit more neurotic in her own way, and other differences surface as well. Overall I like her, but I wish she had been written to be more distinguishable from Pam.

I really enjoy the two crises the characters face this season. First: the possible dissolution of the Scranton office. I like that it gave Michael a nice moment of glory, in addition to the obvious plot tension. Second: the "who's going to get the corporate job" fight. If you haven't seen it, I won't give it away, but I can't wait to see the relationship in season 4 between Michael and his new boss.

Favorite Episode: "The Convict" The office discovers one of the new Stamford employees has a criminal record. Two words best sum up the genius of this episode: "Prison Mike."

Least Favorite Episode: "Cocktails" Michael and Jan go to a Dunder-Mifflin corporate event as a couple for the first time. It has moments, but ultimately it's just too uncomfortable. I realize that's half the humor in the show, but this one just rubs me the wrong way.

Rating: 10 Dwight Shrute bobbleheads... all nodding YES!

Honeymoon Over

So, dear readers, it's been a bit since I last posted. As you may recall, I got married and went on my honeymoon. The wife and I took a week off to recover from the wedding, went to the Caribbean. In the next few days, I plan on rating several things I experienced. Here's a partial list:

1.) Princess Cruises
2.) A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
3.) The Road by Cormac McCarthy
4.) "The Office, Season 3" on DVD

I hope you'll come back and take a look. I'm back at work now after 2 1/2 weeks off, so I'm hoping to post everyday after my shift is over. I'll begin my reviews again tomorrow.

Your hero,
Max Power

Guess Who Got Married?

That's right. Some fillie managed to nail down me, Max Power. It only took nearly 9 years of dating. That's why I haven't posted anything lately. I've been a bit busy glad-handing all the relatives and eating. I've gained approximately 5 pounds in the last week and a half, and we still have the cruise ahead of us! This week we're honeymooning at home, putting away all the gifts we got and deciding which of our old things to get rid of. We're going to have a big yard sale in a couple of weeks, and hopefully it can defray the cost of our honeymoon cruise just a bit.

The wedding was fantastic. I was a little nervous, but not too bad. Nothing went wrong, which is half of what makes a successful wedding. I gave the groomsmen flasks with their first initial on them. The flasks have little shot cups built into the center. I filled them with whiskey, and we all took a belt before leaving for the wedding. The ceremony was nice, with no Jesus talk. That may have disappointed my grandmother, but it was nice for us. Afterwards, we had a fantastic reception. I've never seen so many people dance at a wedding, and I was stunned by how many relatives of mine were dancing. They're all from South Dakota, and I never would have guessed they would party their asses off. Even my little nephew was going nuts. Here's a picture taken by my dad:

The wife's dad had to pay the DJ to keep going at 10 because so many people were still dancing. A lot of other things happened, too, including a chance to see a bunch of friends we don't see often enough. But I'll save the other details for later.

I rate this wedding: 6 wedding cakes and one dancing 8-year-old.

I am the Dancing Queen (or King)

The fiancee and I are taking dance classes for the big day. Apparently she wants to not look like a pair of drunken hobos on the dance floor. I'm not going to lie. I was not really looking forward to it. But she really wanted to do it, so I said okay. We've gone to two waltz lessons, with one more coming. I have been pleasantly surprised. I actually kind of enjoy it. I don't know if I'd continue doing it after the wedding, but for the mean time, it's okay. The instructor tells the fiancee she's a natural. I'm getting better. It became clear to me last night that the fiancee is a lot better than lots of the girls there. One, who we call "Stumpy," has two left feet AND two right feet. It's like dancing with a shop-vac set to "suck." The first lesson she came alone. Last night, she came with a man we'll simply call "Sweaty." It's kind of irritating to dance with somebody who comes after the first class, because they're already way behind. The fiancee had to lead this soaking wet man. The only thing making his situation better was the fact he was covered in a dense layer of hair, sopping up some of the sweat. But I think that we are both improving, and we hopefully won't look like total tools at our wedding next week. The main problem now is figuring out what song to dance to. We have several ideas, but are open to suggestion. We aren't nuts about any of the songs we have so far. Do you people have any ideas?

So here are my ratings for today. Dance classes: I'll give them 8 pirouettes. Bad dance partners: I'll award them one pair of scuffed ballet slippers (did I mention Stumpy wears ballet slippers instead of normal shoes?). And no wedding song: No rating, just help us!

Portland's New Ikea

So the fiancee, myself, and her mother went to Portland's new Ikea last night. As an Ikea fan, I was eager to check it out. I work in the local media, and we went bonkers when this thing opened up. So it was good to finally get down there. I had only been to the one in the Seattle area before, and this one is tons better.

First, getting in is kind of a bitch. You have to loop way around to get there. But that's probably a good thing considering the store's proximity to the airport. When you finally get inside, it's pretty agreeable. This story (which I'm told is the biggest Ikea in the U.S.) is two stories, so you get your cart and head straight upstairs. The displays seem just like any other Ikea stores, except there's a lot more room. So we never felt like we were getting elbowed out, which was nice.

Halfway through we hit up the famous Ikea cafe. I had an incredibly disappointing ham and swiss baguette. I wanted a crunchy fresh baguette, but instead it was like a hotdog bun. The meatballs were great, as usual. We split a fantastic apple cake, which was basically a pile of cinnamon apples on a crust.

Then, back to shopping, we found a couple of cool little things we can use now (like a four-pronged swivel towel rack), and got lots of ideas for when we get our own place after the wedding. Plus, no lines when we checked out!

Overall, I'd give the Ikea a high score of 18 meatballs with a side of lingon berries.

Stephon Marbury is Incredibly Stupid

On one hand, I really want to like Stephon Marbury, the point guard for the New York Knicks. He's a fun player to watch, and he created a low-cost line of sneakers for kids with his name on it. He wears the shoes in NBA games, so kids think they're cool, and they only cost $15! Sounds like a great guy, right?

But here's where it gets troubling. Talking about the recent Michael Vick dog fighting scandal, in which Vick is set to plead guilty on Monday, Marbury said this:

"I think it's tough. I think, you know, we don't say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals. You know, from what i hear, dog fighting is a sport. It's just behind closed doors. I think it's tough that we build Michael Vick up and then we break him down. I think he's one of the superb athletes and he's a good human being. I just think that he fell into a bad situation."

You can also watch it here.

Let's break this down, shall we? First, he compares hunting to dog fighting. I don't have a firm position on hunting, but a guy going after an animal in the woods is nothing like siccing two dogs bred to kill on each other, for your own amusement. Then, he says "from what he hears" it's a sport. I really want to believe he's naive, that he just hasn't put any thought whatsoever to this kind of animal abuse. But that's inexcusable, too. An adult thinks about what he says before he says it, especially what that adult has such a high profile. Next, the "it's behind closed doors" comment. So doing something horrifically cruel is okay, when it's hidden from public view? I guess that's why child abuse is perfectly acceptable, too.

Marbury then implies that the public is gleefully ripping down Vick because he's famous, or in the NFL. The only person who tore down Mike Vick is Mike Vick. The only part Marbury gets right is "build him up" thing. Vick is one of the most overrated, underperforming athletes in all of sports. The guy was 20th in passing last year, but has one of the best selling jerseys in the league.

Perhaps most galling of all, is the last part of Marbury's statement. He says Vick got into a bad situation. He's been doing this since he got into the NFL in 2001 or so. Bad situations don't last for 6 years. Illegal dogfighting rings apparently do.

So I rate Marbury's comment 2 studded collars on the Rating System. It would be zero, if not for the whole tennis shoe thing.

So Far, This Blog Sucks

Hi, it's me, Max Power.
After much deliberation about what sort of blog I should start, the fiancee had a great idea. She suggested I write about things I experience, telling my loyal readers which of them are cool, and which suck. I'm talking movies, music, recipes, restaurants, trips to the bathroom, etc. I have a pretty firm set of beliefs, and would very much like to impose them on the rest of you. And since facism is currently out of favor, I'll begin my reign of cultural terror on the internet. If I'm not mistaken, using the phrase "cultural terror" just got me red-flagged by the Department of Homeland Security. At least someone will be paying attention.