Friday, August 15, 2008

"I Used to Fuck Guys Like You in Prison"

I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I saw the movie "Road House" last night for the first time. For years I've heard about this Patrick Swayze cheese-fest, and last night I finally had a slice. Overall, I kind of liked it, in the same way you like Velveeta. It's kind of gross, but it slides down nice and easy. It's as if the film-makers (can you really call this a "film?") tried to cram in everything they could think of to make it "cool."

The checklist:
- A tough guy who doesn't blink when challenged
- Feathered hair for both the hero and heroine
- Lots of bar brawls
- At least one fistfight every 5 minutes
- New Age philosophy
- Lots of hot 80's chicks and titillating shots of their underwear
- Hints of nudity (I watched the TV version)
- Karate
- One man's mission to stop a corrupt villian
- And murders... you betcha!

And last but not least... a ton of quotable lines. The title of this blog was my favorite, but you've also got:

- "Pain don't hurt."
- "That gal's got entirely too many brains to have an ass like that."
- "My way... or the highway."
- "I'll get all the sleep I need when I'm dead."

And so many more...

I give "Road House" six flying fists of justice.

One more thing... Locke's dad from "Lost" owns the bar. He's a good guy! I can't believe it.

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