The Mystery of the Missing Lock

I am attempting to solve a mystery, with few clues to to go by. Let me set the scene of the crime: Tuesday night at the Mall 205 24-Hour Fitness, from 6:30-9:30pm. I arrived at the gym to play basketball, since my regular Tuesday night game was cancelled. Midge was having a group of her girlfriends over to make Christmas wreaths, so I kind of needed to get out of the house. Anyway...

I get to the gym and put my jacket, hat, and gym bag in a locker inside the men's locker room. Inside my gym bag: wallet, keys, cell phone. My lock doesn't use numbers; it is a word lock, with a secret password. It's easier to remember than a random number. With these kind of locks, you must have the password in place in order to close it up, so you must be very conscientious about lining the letters up in order to lock it. I say this because I am quite confident I correctly sealed the locker. I then went to the basketball court for the next three hours, attempting to keep up with the teenagers.

When I returned to the locker room, I started to have a mini-freakout, because my lock was gone. I frantically opened the locker, only to discover all of my belongings exactly where I placed them (or at least they seemed to be). There was no sign of my lock whatsoever. I sorted through my wallet to make sure all of my credit cards were in place, and they were. Next, I went to the front desk and explained what happened. I don't know if they exactly believed me, although they were polite. No one had turned in a lock, either.

Now I need to figure out what happened. How was my lock removed from the locker? Did someone watch me set the code? Does someone have a secret method of opening locks? Did I make a mistake and leave it unlocked? Why didn't they take my stuff? There was cash and credit cards in my wallet, and they could have stolen my phone, or even my car. I wish that there was security camera footage of the locker room, and that I had access to it.

I give this whole experience one big question mark.

Final Novembeard Update

After a month of growing and scratching, Novembeard is finally complete. I am somewhat pleased with the results, although I'm not sure if I will keep the beard after today. Surprisingly, Marisa is somewhat okay with the facial hair, as long as I shave the mustache. So now it's really up to me. I'm sure that I will at least trim the weirdo long hairs that have cropped up, but I don't know what to do with the rest of it. Suggestions?

Novembeard Update + Double Yolk!

It's week 3 now of Novembeard, the annual beard growing event between me and my friends. I'm getting pretty bushy now. I realize when I see these pictures how much I resemble a homeless person. I feel terrible for my wife. She's so nice to put up with all this silliness. Alright, here are the pictures:

November 20 - The neck swirl is really becoming noticable






November 13 - I need a shave and haircut badly



November 6th - I am ugly




October 31st - the last day I shaved






Okay, now that we're done with all that ridiculousness, here's the really important news. This morning, as I was preparing my delicious and nutritious breakfast, I was given a rare treat: a double-yolked egg! I've never seen one before, but have always wanted one since I first heard about them in the movie "Chicken Run". Take a look:


Yowza! I give this whole beard thing one hearty scratch, and the egg six clucks up!

Novembeard and Halloween

As has been the tradition for my friends and I the last few years, I am again participating in Novembeard, the purpose of which should be fairly obvious: to grow the biggest beard you can during the month of November. I usually grow it pretty thickly on my neck and jaw, but not so well on my cheeks and upper lip. I'm also going to be shaving my mustache this year, so as to keep the wife happy. I'm a bit late in posting pictures, but better late than nothing.

October 31st - The last day I shaved

November 6th - I am ugly

Obviously, the first two pictures were taken on Halloween, when we went out. I was originally planning on going as a Mexican wrestler, wearing the muscle suit I got couple of years ago and my Mexican wrestler mask. Below is a look at the devil costume I wore instead. The mask is something I got in Peru this year, and is meant to represent the devilish Spanish.

100th Post! Pumpkins Galore!

This is my 100th blog posting, hurray!

Now on to business. Midge and I went to the old pumpkin patch last week out on Sauvie Island and picked up 3 prime pumpkins. We went late, as one of us has a job and everything. But we caught the last hay ride out to the patch, so we got to choose our own out in the field. We selected two with gnarly vines on top, and as we were leaving, we spotted one that was shaped exactly like a skull, so we figured it was a sign that we needed to carve a skull pumpkin, as well.

Ooh... spooky...

2 of the Pumpkins...

Picking out Pumpkins...

The last hayride to pumpkin town.

Then, on Saturday, we had our annual pumpkin carving party. It was much smaller than in years past, mostly because we waited too long to put it together. Still, we had 8 or so people come over to mutilate some pumpkins and eat my homemade chili. It was a lot of fun, and we made some good ones.

These are our jack-o-lanterns in the dark...

And these are with the flash on, so you can see the shape of the pumpkins. Take note of the skull pumpkin on the bottom-right-hand corner.

Overall, I give this pumpkin-carving experience ten flaming pumpkins!

Differences Between the West Coast and the Midwest

I visited family in Sioux Falls, South Dakota last week. We did the drive from Tri-Cities, Washington (where my parents live) in 2 difficult days. I wanted to maximize the time spent in Sioux Falls, and minimize the time spent in the car. It was a good trip overall, except at the end, when we hit a deer in Gillette, Wyoming as we drove home. We had to stay there for 2 nights while my windshield was replaced. That is not a fun town. People were nice, but wow, I'm glad I don't live there. But being in Gillette made me realize some differences between the west coast and the midwest, some small, some big.

CHAIN RESTAURANTS
I realized that the entire time I was away from home, I didn't eat at a single non-chain restaurant. Why? Because we didn't see any. I ate at Applebee's three times, and I hate Applebee's. I resent the whole "eatin' good in the neighborhood" tagline, which is ridiculously disingenuous. They're pretending to be a local restaurant, while simultaneously choking out ACTUAL local restaurants. Yay! You put up clippings from the local high school team in the lobby! You really get us!

We also at at Old Chicago, but in my defense, my uncle won 48 free beers there, so we didn't spend much money there. In Billings, Montana, we ate at the Olive Garden, which confirmed how much I dislike it. The food was fine, but it struck me as sad as I looked around the place, that this was possibly the nicest restaurant in town. I've read that the sauce at Olive Garden comes frozen in bags, which the "cooks" then reheat.

CONVENIENCE STORES
Where I live, we have 7-11s, Plaid Pantries, and mom and pop convenience stores. In the midwest, I found it amusing that the name of every quickie mart included the phrase "'n.'"
-Grab'n'Go
-Get'n'Go
-Git'n'Go (yes, I actually saw this)
-Pump'n'Pak
-Pump'n'Pay
-Drink'n'Puke (okay, I made this one up)

THE BACK END OF CARS
I noticed on the back of almost every car was a decal of some sort from the dealership at which it was purchased. Almost never on the west coast have I seen decals, and when I have, they're invariably from some other part of the country. If I bought a car with a decal on it, I'd demand a rebate from the dealer for the free ad, or I'd demand they remove it.



DINNER VS. SUPPER
I had completely forgotten this, but in the midwest, dinner and supper are not the same thing. First off, nobody on the coasts uses the word "supper" as far as I can tell, and when it is used, it always means the evening meal. So too, does the word "dinner." However, in the midwest, "dinner" means lunch most of the time, as in, Sunday dinner, a meal you eat in the afternoon. The whole trip, I kept asking what people wanted to do for dinner, and they all said, "what do you mean? We already ate dinner." Ugh, I meant supper. Which chain restaurant do you want to eat at for supper?

BEER AND COFFEE
This was not a surprise, but the midwest continues to lag behind when it comes to quality beer and coffee. I'll begin with beer. As I mentioned, I drank free beer at Old Chicago, courtesy of my uncle. Old Chicago, as you may know, has a bunch of beers on tap, which I wholeheartedly applaud. However, in Sioux Falls, they're all pretty much the same. I'm always somewhat perplexed by the fact nobody outside the northwest seems to value the deliciousness of hops. I want my beer to be brownish, not a pale yellow. At the Pump'n'Pak, things were no better; the most exotic beer available was a hefeweizen.

As for coffee, they do have Starbucks scattered about, and it's really the only choice for espresso. The regular drip coffee I had there was sooooo weak, I really wanted some espresso. On the way home, we stopped at a drive-through coffee stand in Bozeman, Montana, the only place we saw that had espresso, and the lady inside bragged to us about how good her coffee was. She was mistaken, but she gets credit for trying.

CONCLUSION
I realize this blog may come off as a slam against the midwest, but I assure you, that was not my intention. I was surprised to find I actually like Sioux Falls. I lived in South Dakota until I was 11 or so, and my memories of the town from subsequent trips home haven't always been glowing, but I was glad to realize I kind of like the place. The town is pretty, and the people are nice. The food/beer/coffee situation needs improvement, but overall, I give the place a thumbs up.

Taco Trek, Pt. II

After months of waiting, we finally went out on part two of our Taco Trek, a quest to find the greatest pork carnitas taco known to man (within walking distance of our house). Last time, it was just Midge and myself, but the success of our first outing resulted in a larger crew of taco trawlers, including M, C, and B. It was by all accounts a rousing success.

Restaurant #1
La Salsa
6036 SE Division St.
Portland, OR 97206



The first stop was at "La Salsa," a family-fun taqueria on 60th and Division. We had driven by it a hundred times, meaning to stop in. The menu was hand-written on a giant whiteboard above the cash register. Unfortunately for our purposes, the menu didn't include pork. I asked the girl behind the counter if they had any and she replied, "maybe next week," a response I really enjoyed. Since we were unable to order carnitas, we got shredded beef, which was the closest thing to pork in our estimation.

The tacos were somewhat unusual, in that they came with beans inside. The beef was flavorful, although quite sloppy. The tortillas were flour, very tasty, and homemade. We enjoyed them, and will likely return, although I'm pretty sure I'd order something else. The service was great, and they had a big salsa bar (which makes sense, considering it's called "La Salsa"). We got 3 tacos for about $5.00, a good deal.

Restaurant #2
Taqueria los Gorditos
SE 50th & Division St.
Portland, OR 97215


Our next stop was just 2 blocks from our house, "Taqueria los Gorditos," an extremely popular taco cart on the corner of 50th and Division. We've been here before, and are always blown away with the food. However, we've never had the tacos, so it really worked out for us to go on the Taco Trek. Like "La Salsa," this place didn't have pork carnitas. It did have pork al pastor, which is meat in a red sauce. Usually when I've had al pastor elsewhere, it's really greasy and gives me stomach trouble. I did not have that problem at "Taqueria los Gorditos."

The meat was fall-apart delicious, with a taste that can best be compared to Tandoori, the Indian style of baked/grilled meat. It was truly incredible; the meat was tender, with a subtle flavor. We liked it so much we went back for more the next night, only to learn they had sold out already. The tacos were just $1.50 each, which means a great, cheap night out.

Restaurant #3
Por Que No
4635 SE Hawthorne Blvd
Portland, OR 97255

Por Que No is sooooo trendy, which means I am generally loathe to eat there. Don't get me wrong, I've had their food on several occasions, and always enjoy it. But there are things about the place that bug me. First, I don't like the line out the door. It means that people are coming from wherever they live to come and eat "somewhere cool" in my neighborhood. Por Que No made its name in North Portland, and opened this second location in the Hawthorne neighborhood to great fanfare. But like its patrons, I feel like it is vacationing in my part of town because it is a trendy place to be. As a vacation destination, the prices at Por Que No are appropriately expensive. I don't like paying $3.00 for a taco, no matter how the meat absolutely melts in my mouth, mingling with the crumbly cojita... hhghghghghg......

Sorry. I started to lose myself there. There's no denying it, the food is very good. But I don't believe it was worth the 10 minute wait in line to order, the 20 minute wait for the food to arrive, and the high price.

Restaurant #4
Dingo's
4612 SE Hawthorne Blvd
Portland, OR 97215

Dingo's was Midge's dark horse in this competition, because she really loves their tacos. The key at Dingo's is to order the carnitas platter, NOT the tacos. It's a little confusing, I know. The carnitas platter consists of 4 or 8 taqueria-style tacos, simple items consisting of a corn tortilla, meat, and a vegetable garnish. We got an order of 8 for the table, at a cost of $12. The meat is the key at Dingo's. It's sweet, crisp, salty, and delicious, with a definite citrus edge. The restaurant changed the presentation from the last time we went, however, switching from an onion/cilantro topping to chopped tomatoes. While still tasty, I prefer the onion/cilantro mixture. Still, a good taco at a reasonable price.

This has nothing to do with tacos, but while we were sitting outside at Dingo's a local homeless guy was going table to table, obviously drunk, bothering the patrons. Just as he was to arrive at our table, a police officer pulled up. "Hello, Peter," said the cop. "Let's take a walk down to the corner." They wandered off. Moments later, the officer was pulling the guy back towards us and his cruiser. Peter's pants were at his knees, and he was now getting arrested. Midge was treated to some full-frontal hobo, a surreal experience to be sure.

Conclusion
All of the tacos were good in their own way, but this is a list, so let's list them. From best to not-quite-as-good:

1. Taqueria los Gorditos - The taco cart wins. Delicious, cheap, and just a couple blocks from home. What else could I want?
2. Dingo's - An old favorite, solid if unspectacular.
3. Por Que No - Really tasty tacos, no doubt. If this were only about flavor, it would be #2. But I'm rating the experience, too.
4. La Salsa - Very good, but I have a feeling this isn't La Salsa's best dish. We'll definitely go back. We only ordered a few tacos, but they still brought us a delicious basket of fresh tortilla chips. I liked that place a lot.